dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
you had me at cake vodka
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
