just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Randomize
