I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
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I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
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i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Holy shit dude........stairs
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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