So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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