guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
