Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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