Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
