I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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