Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
