I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
