the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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