so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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