it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
