he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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