I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
