I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
