If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
