That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I need to sanitize my soul.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
