I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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