It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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