My cat gives me a boner
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
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