D3 body, D1 cock
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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