i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
