Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
