I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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