You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
