So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I am midnight drunk by noon
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
