and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
did i just pee glitter
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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