Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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