i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
