Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
