My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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