So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Randomize
