she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
