They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
