hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
