Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
