i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
