Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
