please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
