1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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