this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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