It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
