He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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