Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
