dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
