she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
