Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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