i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
