I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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