i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
