i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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