I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
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I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
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Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
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