cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
