in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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