So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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