I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
