If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
