i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
