i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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