My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
