I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
