Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
