She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
