that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
