The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
