Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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