On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
