Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
