i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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