I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
