Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
