There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
