Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
