there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
