my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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