I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
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Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
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He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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