I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
