i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
