her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
