Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
