I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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