I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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