He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
