my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
