I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
